Break time for a caregiver

Last week I had my first vacation in over four years (after 1,496 days).  Most of my personal time off that is allowed and my vacation time have been spent looking after my wife.  Days she is sick and I am at home caring for her and the many medical appointments eat up the time I am allowed and each year I don't have any time (at best two days in my time bank) left over to take at least a one week vacation.  While she is able to do a number of things on her own it has been a bit stressful and not having time off to recharge has left me all too often feeling tired.

This year has been different.  Even with her having cataract surgery (11 appointments in total for both eyes) I have enough time accumulated that I could take a one week vacation.  We didn't do much other than my slowing down and relaxing.  Where I work knew how long it was since I had a vacation and they made it a point to ensure that I was not to be contacted while I was off.  Several days it was 'retail therapy' by going to malls she hasn't gone to for years.  One day there was really nice weather and I told her it was just for me.  I spent the day outside walking along the Ottawa and Rideau rivers with my camera and for four hours totally relaxed.  I don't know if it is a big deal for most people, but, for me it was a wonderful break.  For part of the day I could relax, enjoy the views and have a day to myself.

Before her stroke I tended to take vacation either in October or December.  I like October as the weather usually is still nice and fewer tourists out where I like to walk and take photos.  Christmas I used the time off to bake and finish off the buying/wrapping of presents.  For both it is a slower life and a time to forget about work and enjoy life.  I am looking forward to next year and see if there will be enough time for a two week vacation.

Who is running the circus?

It is a sad and scary thing watching the political turmoil south of the border.  The president says nice things only if the person agrees with POTUS 45.  Once they lose favour then the language changes and language of a bully is used to put down the person. His supporters will flood the media that they control and social media with half truths and complete lies and repeating it until the people start to think it may be true.

When he tries to pick a person for a high level job he expects them to swear personal loyalty to him and not to the constitution and the law.  If there is a person in a position that he can terminate he does so and demeans and puts the person down and then attempts to put a replacement in who will swear personal loyalty to him and put in effect what he wants (whatever that is as it changes).

Now he is trying to regulate social media to remove 'bias'.  They seem to think that when those on the right get banned for hatred, bigotry, sexist offensive language.  They want to use the power of government to dictate who gets to 'free speech' online, social media and traditional media which is the government interfering with the first amendment.  They believe in free speech only when it is their speech and anything else is to be shut down or regulated.  This sounds more like Russia, China and North Korea.

It is almost a daily event to see/hear what POTUS 45 or his minions will do.  They work for the rich, powerful and politically connected who agree with what he wants and will work to demean and destroy those who question his actions or disagree with him.

It will only get worse as the next election gets closer.  I foresee him using language that will incite incidents to intimidate anyone who does not support him or his supporters.  He will deny, lie and spin when confronted with that and claim that the ones questioning him are the ones who are spreading 'fake news'.  When he loses the election I see that he will dismiss the results claiming fraud, blaming illegal immigrants, 'fake news', and then invoking powers that he does not have to try to stay in office.  Those on the right will then start actions claiming to support the true president and a time of civil unrest will distract everyone and those who truly want this discord (Russia, China and North Korea) will take advantage of this to expand their control of those who cannot protect themselves.

Rambling thoughts on politicians

It is disappointing that elected governments think they have the right to do anything they want.  They vilify the policies and laws of the prior government and then dismantle them without any apparent reason other than the other party put it into place.  It does not matter the party (NDP, Liberal or Conservative), it is the policy, the services or the laws that does not fit their ideology and therefore must be chucked out no matter the price the people pay. 

When we question it they ignore us, phrase and twist words to make it look and sound better than it really is, or, try to make us think they know better than us and speak down to us in rather condescending words.  They forget that we elected them to represent us and that they are responsible and accountable for all their actions and inactions to us.  They need to remember that they must consult with us and to inform us of what they are going to do.

All too often large companies, the rich and well-funded special interests seem to be dictating to the politicians what they can and cannot do like the current federal scandal that has the appearance of businesses dictating the actions of politicians.  Politicians are more worried about losing votes and power rather than doing what is right and what the law says.

What can be done?  For starters we need legislation at the federal, provincial and local government level that allows the people to forward a petition for the recall of the politician.  Once a specified threshold has been met there is a special election.  There may be limits such as how long after an election before a petition can be issued and how many more months before the next election also.  There needs to be a threshold on the number of people required and they must reside where the politician is and must be an eligible voter.  It may not be a cure-all, but, if politicians know that if they do not work on our behalf we can turf them from office and replace them with a person who will work on our behalf.

Another thing is for us to stop being hyper-critical of anything they do.  That isn't easy, but, if we look rationally at what they are doing and ask why and ask them why, maybe we will be more understanding of what is being done.  Also when you are reading those 'articles' ask yourself where the information came from, are they checking their sources and do other news sites are reporting the same thing.  I have seen 'articles' and while they seemed reasonable something was off and when I dug a wee bit I found that the 'Canadian' article was actually written outside of Canada.

The next thing is to completely remove their being funded by organizations and the rich.  They need to have a hard dollar limit per person and only a real person can contribute.  This will minimize the influence the rich and corporations have and force the politicians to solicit funds directly from the voters.  It won't be perfect, but, if they can see in their pocket book the effect of not listening to us it may be another way to persuade them.  Personally I have stopped taking calls looking for money and turfing their physical mail and emails and let them know why I have stopped and what it will take before I start contributing.  Will it stop them?  Right now it is 'no', not many are doing it and the hit on their bank accounts is minimal.

When there is an election try to go to the 'meet the candidate' meetings and have a short list of questions prepared for the candidates on the topics that matter to you.  Ask the incumbent why did they do what they did, ask the other candidates on what they will do and let them know if they break their campaign promises it will cost them their job.  Read up on the platforms and be a knowledgeable voter.

The next big, very big thing is to vote.  I have voted in EVERY municipal, provincial and federal election since 1988.  If you don't vote then don't complain as you not voting indicated that anyone who gets voted in is fine by you! Not everyone who I voted for got into office.  All too many were a disappointment or their party was a disappointment.  When that happens I look at the next election as an opportunity to correct that. 

Participate in the process.  Decades ago I volunteered for a campaign and got an excellent education on what it takes a candidate to run for office.

Why the hatred? Why the fear?

A lot of people are talking about the various hate groups and are much more able to articulate the racism, hated, intolerance these groups stand for and how to counter them.  For a long time I keep reading and hearing to 'hold back, wait, don't say anything as it will get better'.  Well it has not gotten better, we are seeing more and more of those who spout hatred, commit murder, exhibit racism of the worst type and use fear to try to intimidate people into standing by and be quiet and accept their message of hatred.  Well guess what?  I am tired of holding my tongue (and keyboard) and I will be starting to speak out.  I suspect there will be a few who empathize with the hatred and will either 'unfriend' me or spout even more hatred in the hope that I will shut up and be quiet.  For those who 'unfriend' that is OK, you have a right to your opinion and I am sorry that my beliefs in tolerance, love, and respect somehow threatens you.  For those who try to shout me down or intimidate me, go ahead and try, you may silence one messenger, but, the message will still go out from others.


Growing up my parents and family taught us to:

• Do unto others as you would want done to yourself. 
• Treat everyone with respect and courtesy.
• To speak out when I see something wrong.
• To help those who need help.
• To listen first, then ask 'how can I help?'.
• Recognize and acknowledge that I am imperfect, but, to keep striving to be better and not make the same mistake twice.
• Not to hate those who hate, but, to hate what they stand for.
• Not to judge a person by their religion, language, skin colour, nationality or sexual orientation, but, to judge them by how they treat themselves and others.

Seeing the problems south of the border by neo-nazis, KKK and other racist domestic terrorist groups (that is what they are, domestic terrorists) and stop using that sanitized term 'alt-right'.  Domestic terrorists is an ugly term and it should be applied to the ugly beliefs that neo-nazis and the KKK are trying to make us believe, that somehow being white is better, being white is being oppressed, being a 'white Christian' somehow makes you better without truly understanding what it is to be Christian and the work involved to be a true Christian. 

As a society here in Canada we unfortunately do have those who preach the gospel of hatred, fear, violence, intolerance and racial supremacy that we see happening south of the border.  As a society we need to acknowledge that and to address it head on with love, tolerance, learning and respect. 

I was reading online about one of the groups in Quebec and that they say they are not 'racist', just against Islam.  Well if that isn't racism I don't know what is.  For the ones who were 'protesting' in Quebec, why are you hiding your faces?  Could it be you don't feel 'pride' in what you believe in?  You don't want it known that you are racist, bigoted, small minded?  You were trying to avoid taking responsibility for your violence?  Another person expressed that they were not happy eating halal, well if you don't like halal food don't eat it.  Quick explanation from a Christian reading up on what is Halal (and I may be wrong or over simplifying)... It is what is permissible for their diet.  Nothing fancy, just a set of rules defining what they consider 'permissible' to eat, how it is prepared and for meat what type it is and how it is slaughtered.  From what I read I don't have a problem with halal, it is just a set of rules for their diet.

Update 2020-06-07

Almost three years and it has gotten worse.   South of the border POTUS is acting nore and more as a dictator. Someone who who can say anything, do anything and those in power apologize, rationize or downplay his words, actions and inactions. 

A small, but, big victory

For many people they may not think the following is a big thing, but, for someone who had a stroke and their caregivers it is a wonderful thing.

For the last week Jane has improved her dexterity and strength in her left arm and hand such that she can easily clean and make a new pot of coffee and to unload the dishwasher.  The first is nice, but, the second is huge to us.  Her left side was impacted by the stroke and she has balance and mobility issues still.  She is doing exercises for the arm and leg and over time the strength, flexibility and balance has been coming back.  With the dishwasher she has to bend over to lift dishes and utensils from the bottom rack, pivot and walk across the kitchen to put away the clean dishes.  While the glasses are done right handed she is using the left hand to lift and store the plastic cups, small pots and the dishes.  The first time she did it she called me at work to let me know what she could do.  It was a huge psychological boost for her and she felt that she was contributing more to helping out around the house.

For some time now if I partially prepare the meal and place it in the refrigerator and have the slow cooker on the counter she can prepare simple hot dinners.  It is more than just making meals, cleaning up, she feels that she is contributing to the house work and not dependent on others for everything.

Sometimes it isn't the major things that is a major victory in your recovery, it is the smallest things we do used to do every day and have taken it for granted.  The stroke has taken being able to many simple things away from Jane like making a pot of coffee and doing dishes, but, slowly over time she has started doing those little tasks again.

Another brick in the immigrant wall, NOT!

This is a short one, but, asks something that I have not seen anyone address in Canada or the USA.  Trump and too many people are wanting to deport 'illegals' and down in the USA to build a wall to keep them out.  Even if they do build a wall they will find their way over, under, around or through the wall.

They are only treating the symptom and not the cause.  Until they address the cause it will never get better.  The question that they are not asking or probably not wanting to ask is why do people take the risk, travel to the USA (and Canada) as undocumented workers?
 
I suspect that once they ask that question they will get answers to that question that they don't want to hear.  It is probably many things why they come, but, the simple answer is that life here is a lot better than where they come from.  If they start to determine the root cause then maybe they can help address those issues.

The other problem is people keep saying 'they are stealing jobs'.  Well people, how many of you are willing to work the hours they work, in the conditions that they work in, for the pay they are making for little to no benefits and no pension?  I am willing to bet most people won't.  If they don't then guess what, the price of the things you buy will go up as they have to pay a lot more for labour, or, if you don't want to pay that price you will import more from countries with a lower wage.  Either way the regular person will pay the price.  The rich & powerful won't, they never have.

There will also be others that say it isn't our problem, I disagree, it is our problem.  The best quote that sums it up was by Charles Dickens in A Christmas Carol.  The section where Scrooge's partner Jacob Marley visited and when Scrooge said:

“But you were always a good man of business, Jacob,” faltered Scrooge, who now began to apply this to himself.

“Business!” cried the Ghost, wringing its hands again. “Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence, were, all, my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!” 

Those two short paragraphs sums up things on how we should be looking at this and helping out our fellow man.

Canada Post and community Mail boxes - Lock fix

Last year we were moved from door-to-door mail to using a community mailbox.  It wouldn't have been all that bad, but, the locks were NOT made for Canadian winters.  Any time we got precipitation that melted the water would get into the lock and then when it got colder it would freeze.  The lock would freeze so hard even lock deicer would not work the first time.  It would take three to four applications of the fluid and a lot of swearing before I could get into the lock.  It was so bad here in Ottawa it was difficult to find lock deicer as the stores would sell out in several minutes.  I went through several bottles and at times I would go a week before I could get access to my mail.  Canada Post finally acknowledged the issue and in the next several weeks they will be replacing the locks that "is less likely to freeze".  Still don't believe them until we get winter weather, rain and freezing rain and I can get into the mailbox.